The Lies We Believe: “Real Men Don’t Cry”
“Man up.”
“Suck it up.”
“Don’t be a baby.”
“Tears won’t fix it.”
“Real men don’t show emotion.”
“Crying is for the weak.”
“Get over it.”
“You’re too sensitive.”
“Act like a man.”
If you’re a man, chances are you’ve heard one—or all—of these phrases throughout your life. Whether from a coach, a parent, a friend, or even the voice in your own head, this message has been driven deep into our minds: real men don’t cry.
For me, these cliches didn’t come from my family or upbringing. My parents were actually quite good at embracing the emotions that life tends to bring. I didn’t grow up being told that tears were weakness. I didn’t have to stuff my feelings inside just to survive.
But somewhere along the way, I created my own internal standard of masculinity. I started believing that if I was going to be a “real man,” I needed to learn how to not bother others with my emotions. I needed to handle hard things on my own. I thought strength meant silence. That manhood meant mastering my pain alone, without the need for tears or tenderness.
It wasn’t the world that told me to bury my emotions. It was me. And that quiet lie embedded itself so deeply in my heart that I didn’t even realize how much it was shaping me.
The Lie: “Real Men Don’t Cry”
This lie tells us that emotions are dangerous, and that real strength is found in shutting them down. It trains boys to become men who carry silent burdens, wear emotionless masks, and eventually lose their ability to connect—first with themselves, then with others, and finally with God.
We have falsely equated masculinity with emotional suppression. We have idolized control over confession. But true masculinity, according to Scripture, is far more honest and far more human.
God never called men to be unfeeling. He called us to be faithful.
The Truth: Jesus Wept
The shortest verse in the Bible may also be one of the most powerful: “Jesus wept” (John 11:35).
He didn’t weep because He was helpless—He was moments away from raising Lazarus from the dead. He wept because He loved. Because He felt. Because He was fully God, and yet fully man.
If the Son of God—flawless, courageous, bold, and victorious—could cry in front of others, what excuse do we have?
Jesus didn’t stuff His pain. He didn’t bury His sorrow. He allowed His tears to testify to His compassion, His connection, and His humanity.
The world may see tears as weakness, but heaven sees them as worship.
The Consequences: Hardened Hearts and Silent Suffering
When we believe the lie that “real men don’t cry,” we:
Build walls instead of bridges.
Isolate in shame instead of healing through confession.
Fail to process grief and carry it as anger or apathy.
Become emotionally unavailable in marriage and fatherhood.
Hand down a legacy of stoic silence to our sons.
Convince ourselves that God only wants our strength, not our sorrow.
But God’s Word says otherwise.
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18).
“Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy” (Psalm 126:5).
Your tears are not a liability. They’re a language. And God hears every word they speak.
The Way Out: Cry Like a Man of God
Biblical masculinity isn’t about emotional shutdown. It’s about spiritual surrender.
A man of God:
Feels deeply and brings those feelings to the cross.
Cries without shame and trusts God in his vulnerability.
Grieves with hope, knowing his sorrow is not eternal.
Leads with humility, not hardness.
Models connection, not emotional constipation.
Look at David. A warrior, a king, a man after God’s own heart. He wept openly, confessed fully, and prayed passionately. He wrote Psalms soaked in tears. He was not a man of weakness—he was a man of wholeness.
If you’ve spent your life holding it all in, hear this: there’s nothing godly about emotional isolation. There’s nothing masculine about emotional dishonesty. And there’s nothing shameful about breaking down in the presence of the Lord.
Let the Tears Fall
Tears can be the beginning of healing. They can be the opening to breakthrough. They can be the doorway to connection with others, and intimacy with the Father.
So cry. Not because you’ve failed. But because you’re human.
Cry. Not because you’ve lost control. But because you’re giving control to God.
Cry. Not because you’re weak. But because you’re strong enough to be honest.
If Jesus wept, why wouldn’t we?
Reflection Questions:
What emotions have you been stuffing down to appear strong?
Who in your life do you trust enough to be vulnerable with?
What might God want to heal in you through tears and honest confession?
Scriptures to Meditate On:
John 11:35 – “Jesus wept.”
Psalm 34:18 – “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”
Ecclesiastes 3:4 – “A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.”
Isaiah 53:3 – “A man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief.”
Psalm 6:6 – “I am weary with my moaning; every night I flood my bed with tears; I drench my couch with my weeping.”
Hebrews 5:7 – “In the days of his flesh, Jesus offered up prayers and supplications, with loud cries and tears…”
Final Thought:
Real men don’t hold it all in. Real men bring it all to God.
Tears don’t make you less of a man. They may just be what makes you more like Christ.
