Grief Is a Gateway—Not a Grave

“Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.” — Psalm 30:5

The Tunnel That Isn’t a Tomb

Imagine walking through a dark tunnel. The walls are cold. The air is still. There’s an echo with every step. The longer you walk, the more you wonder if you’re going in circles—or worse—if this tunnel leads nowhere at all. That’s what grief can feel like.

For a while, that was my reality. The ache in my chest didn’t go away when I woke up. The pain wasn’t just emotional—it had embedded itself in my body. My mind replayed memories on loop, and the silence of loneliness screamed louder than any room full of people. I was grieving two massive losses: the death of my father and the death of my marriage. And everything in me wanted to believe that this was the end of the story.

But that tunnel wasn't a tomb. It was a passage. Grief, I’ve learned, is a gateway—not a grave.

My Story: Two Losses That Crushed My Soul

Not long ago, I lost my father. Cancer took his body, but it couldn’t touch the strength of his spirit or the legacy he left behind. He was my spiritual anchor, my example, my encourager. His absence has been a constant whisper in my days, especially when I find myself needing his wisdom and his presence.

Around the same time, my marriage ended. A covenant I had made before God was broken. The heartbreak of divorce came with shame, regret, confusion, and what felt like a full-on identity crisis. How could I be the same man after losing the woman I had pledged my life to?

These two losses collided like waves on a shore already eroded. I didn't know how to pray. I didn’t know how to breathe some days. I thought, this is it. This pain will define me. This will bury me.

But God wasn’t done.

Biblical Truth: Grief Has a Purpose

In John 11, Jesus weeps over the death of Lazarus—even though He knows resurrection is coming. He enters into the grief of Mary and Martha. Why? Because God doesn’t bypass pain. He enters it. He redeems it.

Psalm 34:18 reminds us, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” God is not repelled by our sorrow—He’s drawn to it. Not because He enjoys our pain, but because grief becomes holy ground when we invite Him into it.

Grief isn’t where we’re meant to be buried. It’s where we’re meant to be broken—so that something deeper can be built.

Grief Is a Gateway to...

1. Deeper Dependence on God

My pain stripped me of illusions of control. It forced me to fall into the arms of God—not because I was strong enough to climb into them, but because I had nowhere else to go. In my lowest moments, God became more than a concept. He became my comforter, my Father, my peace.

Reflection Questions:

• When grief left you empty, what did you begin reaching for?

• How might God be inviting you to lean on Him more deeply?

2. Greater Compassion for Others

Grief softened me. It made me listen longer. It made me hug harder. It taught me not to dismiss pain—even when it’s messy. I see people differently now. Because I’ve tasted sorrow, I can sit in it with others. Not to fix them. But to be with them.

Reflection Questions:

• Has your grief made you more compassionate—or more closed off?

• How might God use your pain to minister to someone else?

3. A Reorientation of Identity

I thought I knew who I was. A son. A husband. A leader. But when those roles crumbled, I had to find a new foundation. In the rubble, I found this truth: I am a son of God first. Before anything else, I belong to Him. That identity doesn’t change with loss—it becomes clearer through it.

Reflection Questions:

• Have you let grief define you, or refine you?

• What part of your identity is being reshaped in this season?

4. A New Assignment

Grief may change the assignment—but not the calling. I’ve learned that God often births new vision in places we thought were graves. The loss of my father lit a fire in me to carry his spiritual legacy. The end of my marriage didn’t disqualify me from serving—it deepened my understanding of grace. The pain I thought would end me became the path to purpose.

Reflection Questions:

• What new burdens or callings have emerged from your season of grief?

• Could the pain be pointing you to a mission you never expected?

Walk Through, Don’t Camp There

Friend, if you’re grieving—don’t rush it. But don’t settle in it either. Grief is real. It’s raw. But it’s not the end. Don’t let it become a grave where you bury your identity, your purpose, or your faith.

Grief is a gateway. On the other side is a deeper knowing of God, a greater compassion for others, a stronger identity rooted in Christ, and a refined sense of calling.

Jesus walked through Gethsemane and Golgotha before the tomb was ever emptied. And He walks with you now—through your Gethsemane of grief, toward a garden of resurrection.

You’re not done. He’s not done. This is not your grave. It’s your gateway.

Key Scriptures to Reflect On:

• Psalm 30:5 – “Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.”

• Psalm 34:18 – “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”

• John 11:35 – “Jesus wept.”

• Romans 8:28 – “God works all things together for the good of those who love Him...”

• Isaiah 61:3 – “To give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning…”